I Wish I had JUST Known

This weekend I lost; through natural cause;  a friend from my hometown in Pa....  It is a hard one for me for a lot of different reasons and I have spent my days since the call remembering...

I didn't know she was sick...this sick... although I questioned in my mind why I didn't get a Christmas card this year but knowing Pam as I do I know why I didnt'.  Even if she had my new phone number she wouldn't have all, wouldn't have wanted me to know and she would have instructed her husband and family to "keep still". .  As much as she "was" full of pep, jovial, etc. she was also very quiet....and she worked things out her way, always but not with a LOT of quite thought.  I don't think she would have wanted me to know she was sick....based upon the friendship we had with one another so I must accept and understand.

 We were always there for one another...and just "being there" was sometimes the way we helped one another.  We both knew there were no words that would be understood, or that would help when we went through some hard times together.   She needed to work things out her way....as SHE  needed to and she knew I understood that and it required a very quiet friendship....

 But still I wish I had JUST KNOWN.....

Even though we rareley saw each other, spoke on the phone or wrote letters.... (She is in PA and I am in OR) and in 34+ years we have only seen one another about 5 times...but when we did get together we were immediately transformed to the friends we were back in the 1960-1980's.  It was if we still lived next door to one another and had seen each other just the day before and we were young and spirited.  We got caught up on one anothers' lives, family,  laughed, etc. enjoying our time together and making the most of the time.

Pam was 59 and crossed over much too soon agewise, but I know as much as she hated to leave....she
coped....she thought....and she accepted,,   I thank God for the memories but I wish I had Just Known.

Love and Peace Pam.....I celebrate your life and I know "you know".

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